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i will hold you down, fold you in... [entries|friends|calendar]
deep, deep, deep in the fiction we live.

you might be just what i need.
no, i would not change a thing.
been dreaming of this so long,
but we only exist in this song.
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[19 Dec 2005|07:14pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

i'm not the christmas type.

i hate cold.
i hate snow.
i hate having to fake my smiles.
i never know what to get for people.
christmas trees make me uncomfortable.
i don't value family as much as...i should?
too many people are in malls&everywhere.
i hate the cameras surrounding everywhere.
and i never know what to tell people what i want.
santa clause makes people excited. too much excitedness makes me nervous.
i hate having to spread myself everywhere over the course of those two days [eve&day]: mom's, memere's, nana's, dad's, aunt's, other's, carole&ron's, whoeverelse's..
red and green is such a bad color combination. and only because of the fact that it reminds me of christmas.

growl. i don't feel very well right now. i'm sorry.

i Love You.

↕ .b. ↕
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[13 Dec 2005|04:31pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

so, i suppose i'll start fresh and report on the weekend. i suck.

snow dayyyy. it was alright. i just stayed at my dad's until my mother picked me up during the day. around 4our or so, WeeZle came over. annndd, i think we just hung around as usual. and then he left. moof.

naturally, i stayed up until 3am, making bracelets.

woke up at 6am. wicked cool. took a shower, got ready, and my mother brought me to my superawesome saturday detentionnnn [for being tardy to vasalle's. because when i miss the bus, i take the coast, and the coast won't get there until like, exactly 7:30, therefore i get in just after the bell. argh. it's so ridiculous]. it was pretty good though. i got my biology homework [that i otherwise would never have done] done. and i finished sewing Caitlin's pillow, started Tyler's batman. much to my delight, WeeZle picked me up after and got me breakfast. just went back to my mother's. they went bowling. dot. he had to leave at 5:20 though, because my aunt jen was picking me up to babysit the boys. it was pretty nice. =] just ate, did some candy, and uhhh..spiderman up in the hizzayy. yeah. i fell asleep shortly after kyle on the couch, using his legs as a pillow. tyler was up the whole time. i'm such a good babysitter. when tim&jen got home, i went up and slept in kyle's bed. i woke up a couple times, forgetting for a second where i was. heh.

woke up around 9. ate breakfast and got paiddd $35. around 10:30, Jen dropped me back off at my mother's house. i called WeeZ, talked to him and Chase for a bit. and while WeeZle was on his way over, Chase had the need to continue talking to me, which makes me feel quite special. WeeZ finally got over, and we ended up staying at my mom's for like an hour, just being fools. eventually we got to His house. hung out there. so lovely, he is. he dropped me off at my dad's at 9:30.

when i got home, i was talking to my stepmom.i felt that i needed to mention that i had had detention, and when i did, she got pissed that i hadn't told her the day i found out. she said that because of that, i wouldn't be able to see WeeZle at all during this week. fuck.

= yesterday. school. sign in B block.
ermm. yeah. D block is pretty amazing. every day.

mamma informed me that she has changed her mind about my punishment. they would let it slide this time, seeing as how i [eventually] told them on my own, and it was a most minor offense. the hardest thing about getting a detention for me, is just the tellingtheparents part. i get so worked up and nervous, and i find it just so difficult to bring it into a conversation. but whatever.

= today. school. i gave Caitlin her star wars pillowwww. hope you liked it, doll! =] nothing really out of the ordinary other than that.

chamberlain champs rule the universe!

OH YEAH. one more thing. seeing as how people that i don't feel comfortable reading these things, ermm, are reading these things. so i was considering going friends only. what do you think?Collapse )

i Love You sooo much, WeeZle.

↕ .b. ↕

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[06 Dec 2005|11:59pm]
[ mood | achy. ]


! dot. !

that's about all that needs to be documented. well, not really, i'm just too lazy to say everything else. but that's the latest supernews in my life. harharharrr.

oh yeah, one more thing that's on my mind. i am not fond of the human robots. metal ones are cool though. you know what i mean, right? whatever.

Love You WeeZ.

↕ .b. ↕
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[02 Dec 2005|04:12pm]
[ mood | horny ]

magic marker.

i Love You.

↕ .b. ↕
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[22 Nov 2005|05:40pm]
[ mood | dirty ]

so, to sum it up, my weekend was pretty good. looke deverywhere for how to make Shainna's present. yesterday she found out what it was. i can't wait to finish it.

oooh, i just got a lovely idea. if anyone wants me to make them a pillow, just tell me what theme/colors/shape/texture, and i will so totally make one for you for a mere $2! [to cover the cost of materials] now doesn't that sound like fun? =]

so i didn't go to school today, cause my stomach hurt, just like yesterday. what sucks, is that WeeZle finally got a day off, but since i stayed home from school, it supposed isn't right to go out at night when you don't go to school/work that day. whatever.

i'm so tired of this madness, i'm really going to try to take advantage of this holiday break. i miss how it used to be.

tomorrow, hopefully my very last pee-test. and then, well, something that i believe everyone needs enough of, i shall get some again! harharharr.

i Love You.

↕ .b. ↕

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[21 Nov 2005|07:02pm]
[ mood | all of the below. ]

pushed away
in Love.

that's all i have right now. i'm so sorry.

↕ .b. ↕

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[15 Nov 2005|08:59pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

erm. yeah, it's getting kind of old.

school. nothing really all that interesting, naturally. i pretty much love talking to my d block pals though. harhar.

chamberlain, didn't get to stay very long. shucks. i fucking love it there though.

after that, we went and i topped up my phone. it had expired yesterday, but i guess they give you one leeway day, which is apparently fabulous. then dunkin donuts. then to the bank to cash my check from babysitting last week at the PTA meeting. then we dropped brianna off for her first band practice at the middle school. i was telling my stepmom how i've been to every one of my schools today = chamberlain, middle, spaulding. minus emmanuel. shucks.

i was repeatedly calling WeeZle so i could see him tonight, no answer. finally, after 5ive, i called his house and his Pah answers, saying he's at Chase's. what the fuck? that makes me hmmmm reallly sad. seriously. especially since i didn't even get to TALK to him yesterday. and i only got to talk to him for like, 10 or so minutes on the phone today. i must see him on the morrow. hrmph.

i just made brownies. i'm so bored. and lonely. and i've been eating really shitti-ly[?] lately. and my willpower obviously sucks ass, as i sit here gnawing on my fucking fingernails. growl. i feel so yucky.

and i figured out why my toothpastefordinner shirt STILL hasn't come in. my stepmom addressed the money order to the fucking wrong name, and drew never sent it back to me to fix. i've been emailing him back and forth and it appears that dropping a money order in the mail so we can exchange it for a new one is just wayyyy too much of a hassle for a guy that's shipping things from the post office pretty much every day. and i even just offered to send him a stamped envelope so he doesn't even have to do any work. ugh, it's a bit aggrivating. i sincerely hope my stepmom's hesitants to send money to a no-name-ish place weren't justifiable.

well it doesn't look like it's going to get any better than this, ehh? so that'll be all.

i Love You, you filthy, dirty, rotten bastard, you.

↕ .b. ↕

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[14 Nov 2005|04:25pm]
[ mood | cold ]

pretty cool how much i suck at life, ehh?

- blowing livejournal off. it throws me off a bit, too. blargh.
+ being busy enough to not do livejournal?
+/- kinda losing interest in the computer at all lately.
+ WeeZle.
- him getting a $200 ticket and possibly having to cancel his insurance policy. fuck.
+ working at chamberlain.
+ babysitting at the PTA meeting last tuesday. can you sayyyy $25/1.5hours? i sure can.
- not being able to go to toys'r'us last week.
+ still being able to be with WeeZle.
- still haven't done [hopeufully] my final pee-in-a-cup.
+ any day though, i can.
+ and then i can finally have sex again.
+ seriously.
- being sweaty pretty much all the time.
+ report cards. as follows::
geometry - 96
art1 - 97
history1 - 91
biology - 91
+/- rob budreau came to my dad's house while i wasn't there. he ended up talking to my stepmom for a while about how Steve may be going to jail for 4 years for all kinds of dumb shit, including drugs, stealing, and shooting shit. what a cool kid. it's almost scary to think that i was with him for like, 7 fucking months. crazy dumb people. and rob wrote me a note. apparently he misses me. =] what a random kid though.

anddddd i guess everything else just doesn't quite feel like either coming to my mind or being posted on lj. so, too bad for you.

i Love You so fucking much, WeeZle.

↕ .b. ↕

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growl. times a lot. [08 Nov 2005|04:44pm]
so i had a huge entry last night consisting of the entire week's report that i had just missed. but, as you see, it didn't get posted. why, you ask? because my fucking computer crashed last night as i was wrapping up the entry. there isn't a windows restore thing on notepad. what. the. fuck. so, in conclusion, i'll do it when i get around to it. and i hate this god damned, unpredictably dying computer. it's a big fat stupid face.


but above all, there is one thing i will...journalize?::

I Love You WeeZ.

↕ .b. ↕
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and i will flail under these lights that seep down from the bitter sky tonight... [01 Nov 2005|04:39pm]
[ mood | blank. robotic. ]

so, last night, WeeZ stopped at my house to get me at almost 7pm, so, needless to say [although he himself was oblivious], we didn't have enough time to go trick-or-treating, which totally blows, but, whatever. oh, and he got a mohawk. special.

today was, alright, i suppose. i felt pretty empty and robotic as usual, but people noticed i was a bit off. i don't know.

i missed the bus in the morning. took the coast to school.

geo,, late to class. nothing interesting.

art,, computers. photoshop is fun, and it appears that i can work better with it than the damned teacher. i wish i could work on my own stuff in there though. but i like my stupid ducky.

history,, pretty much just correcting questions and doing another worksheet.

lunch frightens me nowadays. i miss it being the only time that i wasn't scared. but now i'm scared there too. =[

bio,, i'm getting a 91% for the quarter, pretty much. i guessed it, and was exactly right. so that isn't too bad. this class actually wasn't too frustrating today. i think this class is definitely my new comfort place during the school day.

chamberlain,, just ordinary stuff. brianna pisses me off. a lot.

tonight, WeeZle's picking me up. we're probably going to papa gino's with everyone and whatever. then back to His house.

i want some espinaca very badly. fucking special recipes are delaying this pleasurable experience. yes, pleasurable. i haven't had espinaca in like, a year.

i Love You.

↕ .b. ↕

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and i'll drink your blood and feel it dripping down my throat as it heads for my heart... [31 Oct 2005|04:37pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

so, pretty much, i haven't updated in nearly 2wo weeks. yes, it's quite difficult to not get all obsessive-compulsive and try to think of everything i did every single day that i've missed. but, i know that no one probably wants to hear all that, even if i COULD remember. SO, i suppose i'll just sum it all up.

+ no urethra cameras!
+ no bc interruptions!
-/+ sexxxxxx please. exclamationmark.
+ WeeZle.
- no WeeZle.
+ cars.
+ lovely old men.
+ lovely old Love.
- lunch? i don't feel at home anymore with newpeople.
- my sensitivity
- being antisocial
+ my bloody halloween beater.
+ mutant rodents.
+ gift giving.
+ french fries.
+/- getting lost.
+ Saw II was awesome.
- not having enough time to go trick-or-treating last night.
+ going trick-or-treating tonight.
+ fishes.
+ my new Chamberlain St. School position..cough..volunteering.
+ getting paid for it.
- wanting to be older.
- wanting school to be over FOREVER.
- coil pots.
+ Domino's old school noids
+ and my statue of him
+ riding horses
-/+ being sore from it
+ seeing WeeZ every day this weekend.
- WeeZle's penis accidentally falling out at a family gathering. [most embarrassing moment? yes.]

so let's just say that was the past and apparently [i wasn't really aware] i've been out/busy quite a bit. but, i should try to get back into my livejournal-ing almost every day again, just so i can read it all back someday and know that i did something boring and insignificant on blank given day. so, yeah.

so for today, i had school. it's halloween. i had a lovely weekend. i stayed afterschool to finish my coil pot. it sucks ass for eternity. maybe i'll make WeeZle eat it--nahhhh. tonight the plan is to go trick-or-treating with WeeZ and Chase in Farm-town tonight. i'm slightly excited. i wish i had a better costume. if i can even call this a costume. WeeZ has a disposable camera going now. he keeps taking dumb things of me. maybe i'll post them here when he finishes it off. i am in dire need of new pictures. the internet doesn't know what i look like anymore. what a shame, huh? yep.

so i suppose i'll shut up now.
people need to fucking grow up.

i Love You so much WeeZle!
oh yeah, our 13th month was last Friday. jealous yet? ::cricket::

↕ .b. ↕

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you gotta be hard, you gotta tough, you gotta stronger.. [19 Oct 2005|04:24pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

[[tuesday night]]
= last night. was quite lovely. i got picked up at a bit past 5 and we went to the lilac mall. walked around a bit and then found Riss&Shae. then Stewie. we sat in papa ginos, being dumb and such, and then WeeZ and i got picked up. we went back to his house and just hung out there. okay, the world needs to know this::
WeeZle sings in the shower. really loud. and dances. and not only dances, he STOMPS. and when he's thinking of a new song, he goes UHHH UMMMMMMMM ::lightbulb:: just about as loud as his singing. it was so fucking cute. what a child he is. i stood there the whole time with my ear pressed against the door. it was a very amusing event. what a babe♥
oh yeah, and he DROVE ME HOMEEE. i think i could get used to that. =]

= today. hello early release. =] well, sure i'll only have a half-schoolday with you today, thanks for asking!

geo,, no work at all. awesome. i got an 88 on the test that reportedly lots got bad grades on. so, i'd say a B's pretty swell. i was early this morning so i grabbed my germantown jacket and needle&thread before i left, so i spent the block sewing up the holes in the jacket. =] being crafty is so convenient. not to mention fun. i am such a fucking grandma. damn proud, too.

art,, started our coil pots. this should be fun.

history,, we had a sub. i just finished yesterday's questions, did a quick worksheet, and when we came back from lunch we watched a movie, mainly about Abe Lincoln. slavery slightly interests me, actually.

lunch,, nothing out of the usual that i recall.

bio,, woot, i got a 95% on my decalcified egg formal lab, and she said she probably added a couple points [in addition to that] for the official grade. which is quite awesome.

on the bus, we had a sub. both times we've had a substitute so far, the driver called the cops and the whole bus had to wait for a new driver. this time, Adrian got arrested. hrmph. which pretty much sucks. and the driver was absolutely unreasonable. because no one was acting out at all in the first place. she just didn't like the loud obsceninities, but it's definitely managable. adrian got in trouble for saying, "threatening", that he was gonna break all the windows because they wouldn't let anyone off the bus after we had pulled over at the middle school. poooooooooop.

when i got home, mamma called and said that mr.leclair said that i could volunteer at Chamberlain St. School [REPRESENT]. and my parents will pay my allowance for it. so i think what i'll be doing is helping Mrs.Printy's language arts class and then just diong bitchwork [making copies of things and bringing them to their designated classrooms and such]. so it should be dandy.

holy shit. everyone seriously needs to read this story!Collapse ) i was in hysterics. seriously, the story's long but definitely worth the read.

and so i suppose that's about it. i wanna go somewhere....

i Love You WeeZ.

↕ .b. ↕

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[18 Oct 2005|04:13pm]
[ mood | dirty ]


so last night, or, this morning rather, i had a very odd dream::

**it was me, my sister brianna, and her grandmother in a humongous white seated/walled with sunlight coming in movie theater. we were the only ones in there. the movie was the latest harry potter movie [wtf mate.], and carole [brianna's grandmother] was being impatient and saying what a horrible movie it was, even though we were on like, the last 2wo minutes of the movie. so they left. and i just sat and watched the rest of it. then, i look out the doorway, and i see a guy following a little girl through the narrow hall. i follow. down a few steps. a bathroom. the little girl is in a stall and i see the guy [who looks like a cross between the grinch and the evil guy from unfortunate events, so it's pretty much a scary jim carrey. he's really tall and kind of a lanky, hairyfaced tall guy.] creeping around the stall. all of a sudden, the girl gets sucked into the toilet. in another section of the bathroom, there's a boy taking a bath, completely oblivious to me and the scaryman there. then the scaryjimcarrey makes the whole tub drain, including the boy. but somehow, i am not disturbed by this. scaryman comes slyly up to me, and we get so close. we are holding eachother. i can hear my mother and WeeZle in another room down the hall talking about working tomorrow, and i see Jim peek around the corner at me and the guy. he tells me to kiss him. he puckers up, and i can see that if i do kiss him, then my soul will get sucked up just as those children's bodies did. i go nearly all the way towards him, but i don't kiss him. we hold hands as we go into the other room, and the guilt sweeps all over me. the Love of my life, i betrayed him in a way that i could never forgive myself for [i dont actually know what we did that was so adultrous, but something subconscious happened], i realize just how much i Love Him. i just cheated on WeeZle. the whole room is aware of this, and my mother opens her mouth to say something, i thought she was gonna yell at me, but she was just like "so Matt, are you gonna be ready at 7am for tomorrow?" [by this time, the scaryman just kind of disappeared.] WeeZle says [clearly feeling extremely unwanted], "well, only if she wants me to go...?"
"Of course."

so yeah, i've been thinking about that for a while. it disturbs me greatly, but also, i liked the ending very much, because i completely recognized how much i Love Him and what a bad thing scaryman was [disregarding my intimacy with him. cough.].

geo,, nothing interesting.

art,, big long coil pot demo. so, we didn't really do anything.

history,, stupid questions that take forever. is there something going around that i am a nympho? someone please, enlighten me.

lunch,, pretty goodness.

bio,, practice test thing. i wicked cheated. people flatter me sometimes. it makes me laugh with glee.

i've felt like crap all day though, like, physically. i wonder if it's the antibiotics? grrrrrrrrrrr.r.dot.err.rrrr.

in a little bit, WeeZ is picking me up and we're going to the lilac mall to eat some pizza or some crap like that. with Shae, Riss, and Stewie. funnn.Collapse )

i Love You so much WeeZ. i need you a whole wicked lot. like, yeah. fucking sucks arse.

↕ .b. ↕

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[17 Oct 2005|04:32pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

fuck. what a shitty day. seriously.

geo,, chapter test. thank you no homework.

art,, sophomore class got called down to an assembly. for class rings. guess who i sat with? no one. absolutely no one. it's so humiliating. to have no friends. mainly no friends your own age. i just hate being lonely all day. i remember a time where i had barrels of friends, i was even one of the 'popular' kids at one point in my childhood. there's nothing wrong with me, i swear! i hate being antisocial. but anyways, i think i may be getting a class ring, depending on whether my parents wanna dish out about $200 for the one i'd like.
so, yeah, class. we're starting clayyyyyyyy which should be fun, i hope.

history,, just graded papers and such. and took notes.

lunch,, Shainna wasn't there. people stole our booth. but henry's still hip&withit.

bio,, quiz. presentations. nothing good.

on the bus, i think about lately how i [silently] gear so much of my hatred toward a couple kids. and i am such a nevergetmad person too. always have been. maybe i'm breaking? maybe i can't take being stepped on anymore. even just today, i found myself thinking about punching one of those kids in the face, and my body just automatically moved back a little to prepare to strike.

and afterschool, i walk Avery, and when i get back in, the phone's ringing on it's last ring. i check the caller id. fucking urology. they want me to make an appointment. so that must mean the results didn't come back too awesome. which FUCKING SUCKS. i just want everything to go away and i just want to be healthy and i miss the feelings i used to be able to feel.

oh shit. so i've just found out that i might need to fucking get a camera shoved up my urethra. i asked my stepmom if they could just knock me out for it, because i really just don't want to be conscious when people i don't know have to explore me in that way. but in doing research, it looks like i MAY get sedatives, which hopefully won't be too bad then, if he does. i am crying so bad right now, i just want this all to go away. another thing i've always been is healthy. why are things getting thrown upon me at this point?

there was one little preventative measure that they told me to take, i tried it, and it was so uncomfortable and i seriously couldn't fall asleep with it on, so i just couldn't deal with that little thing. but my stepmom just asked me if i continued to do it, and i told her no, and she flipped out on me. excuse me? i have been ABSTAINED for an entire month tomorrow! have you any idea how difficult that is to deal with? it's so frustrating and tiring and annoying, but we've been good, and just as i was looking forward to finally being able to be Close to Him like that again, i fucking get this shit all over again!

i think the only reason i'm not just completely wanting to die is the fact that i'm not even born yet, my life has yet to begun, and i KNOW that everything will turn out wonderful in the end. when i am finally freed from these Hells. i just have to bear with until then.Collapse ) but when all of the Strife has faded away, i really really hope that i will get what i truly deserve. please.. ='[

WeeZle, i Love You so much. i'm sorry that you have to deal with this too, i'm so sorry..

↕ .b. ↕

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you are my raindrops, i am the seed. [16 Oct 2005|07:42pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]


school. not much else i can remember directly.

afterschool, i peed in a cup. i'm a fucking pro.

in the morning, on the bus, Stacey came back and sat with me. she told me some horrible news. an old friend of mine, Bradley JoyCollapse ) i was kind of speechless until i got off the bus. he was one of the closest people of mine at one point, a few years back, and it's truly a shame to see that somebody that was so full of life, can just, go away like that. it's such a strange thing to think about. and i thought, it's crazy how it seems like once you hit high school, people just start..dying. Justin, Josh, and now Brad. it's just terribly frightening. for detailed stories about the horrific car accident, go to foster's or wmtw.

i have Andy-Drea, Lissa, and Neeny to thank for comforting me that morning though.

school. i love it when there's no homework. at all. weight off your shoulders.

WEEZLE GOT HIS LICENSE! finally! i am so incredibly proud of him. seriously. all he has to do now is register his car. i love how last night's drama was all for nothing, pretty much.

and He came over my mother's with me. the usual. but isn't it nice? yes.

= yesterday. WeeZle came over around 1:30. we watched a movie and then took a nap until 5pm. he is absolutely amazing. he really is. he left to go to Chase's at 10:30. there was only one thing missing from that day. it's been far too long, it has. but he is so beautiful to be with, it's incomprehendable. what a life we shall lead!

= today. well i didn't do much. sat in bed. showered. ate 4 of my rainbowflavored cupcakes that i made on friday. felt like crap for the rest of the day. got back to my father's at about 5ive-ish.

my mother said that she could get me a job secretary-ing at Jackson Hewitt. that's not until like, January though. and i should be into Sunbridge at that point. but 2wo jobs wouldn't be a bad idea. so if i can, then i will.

i Love You WeeZle. so so much.Collapse )

↕ .b. ↕

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you've got to be crazy.. what do you take me for? [11 Oct 2005|07:30pm]
[ mood | antsy. [?] ]

i am in dire need of an lj update. oh look, here comes one now!

school. we got our school pictures, student .i.d.s, anddddd we had a pep rally. i felt insignificant. my pictures came out alright though. i just can't believe the difference between this year and last. it's fucking crazy, in my opinion. but, yeah. i don't care or remember enough to report the fucking lessons, you can certainly liveCollapse ) without.

afterschool, my mother picked me up, and i took the wheel. she informed me that Jim has officially moved in. we went grocery shopping and got a movie. the amityville horror. went back home, and soon after, WeeZle showed up. we watched the movie. we were gonna watch another dumb thing, but i was tired so we decided against it. he's a lovely fellow, he is.

nothing good. sleeping. making bracelets. watching television. didn't shower. hardly got out of bed. ugh. hate those days.

went to the movies. in a mildly shitmood, i hate it when my mother is like 'okay we're leaving without you' when i'm wickedly not ready. so i feel like crap for the rest of the day. and WeeZ was a bit late, i was worrying if he somehow couldn't make it and had no way of getting a hold of me. but he made it. we saw Flightplan, which wasn't as good as i had anticipated. then we went back to mine, and hung out. then my mother dropped us both off at like 7:30-ish.

at my father's house, they were still at dinner with friends. when they got home, they decided that they were going to the emergency room. my father had shot a long nail through his hand [i wish i could have watched him pull it out!], and amazingly, they were back home in an hour. my father was like "ooh Avery, let's go get the black cat outside!" [note:: he was a bit intoxicated from the earlier social event] and when they came back in, he was telling my stepmom how Avery got loose from his hand and scared the cat off and whatnot, my stepmom takes a close look at Avery [my dog] and was like "jason, that wasn't a cat. it was a fucking porcupine!" turns out she had like 8 quills in her face. she's crazy and wouldn't let us take them out though, so me and my stepmom THEN went to the emergency vet in Portsmouth. i find it ironic how there were 2 emergency calls on the same night due to a painful spike, shall we say. i just find the similarities interesting. i drove home, and we got back at about 11:30pm-ish.

= yesterday. no schoooooool, columbus day. hm. so i just lazed around the house until WeeZle called around 1ne, saying that he got home from work early and that i could come over. so i showered and got ready. i saw Lissa at dunkin' donuts, workin' that window. i got to WeeZ's at about 2:30pm. we hung out and whatever. i worked a bit on my claything in the studio. Mrs.WeeZle's gonna fire it and then i can paint it. hurrah? went back in, and eventually, we both ended up falling asleep. i got dropped back off at home at 9:30pm. and that was the end of my good night.

= today. so, school. i don't really feel like doing the detailshit. but, we got progress reports today. my grades are as follows:

geometry = 95%
art = 100%
history = 97%
biology = 90%

i gave some people a few of the new bracelets i made for them. i like making things for people. =]

and i suppose that that'd be all for about now.

i Love You, WeeZle.♥

↕ .b. ↕

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[06 Oct 2005|03:51pm]
[ mood | color in a closed box. ]

so today was alright i suppose. nothing interesting as of now.

exchanging is fun.

geo,, i got a 100% on that test. cool. more shtuff. nothing good.

art,, more watercolors. started our books. ehhh..

history,, ermm not too much. preparing for tests, except not really. discussing oral sex is an appropiate substitute, no? it's not like i study anyways. =]

lunch,, no Shainna, i was sad and lonely. but Henry was there to reak havoc, so it wasn't a total disappointment.

bio,, egg labssss. it was good, i think, because we got a lot of breaks waiting for the egg to be in the water, and it was mildly fun. almost. not. i enjoy talking in there. hm.

erm. not much else. i wanna go somewhere tonight. i'm itching to get out of the house. i'll probably just make brownies instead. whatever.

i'm getting anxious for my tfd shirt. i hope it comes in soon.

WeeZleeeee, i Love You. i miss you so fucking much i'm gonna punch you in the FACE.♥

↕ .b. ↕

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i keep them in jars under my bed. is that why it's so scary down there? [05 Oct 2005|07:29pm]
[ mood | MeWant. ]

okay, so.

= yesterday. school. anything that happened, i really don't have the energy to remember...
i traded with Shae.

afterschool. i took the coast to the lilac mall at 6pm. walked around alone for a few. then waited outside. i love listening to people, especially when the mood is intense. and so was her french, my my! then WeeZ showed up. he finally bought minutes for his phone. then Riss came, then Stewie. we just hung out in k-mart for a while, but it was getting to be that time, so we went to papa gino's, ordered a pizza, and sat and whatnot. i traded with Rissa. =] mmmm girrafes. too bad my dad picked me up before the fucking pizza even came out. so he bought me a cheeseburger at mcD's instead. heh. it was a nice change though. the people. reintroducing me to the wild? hmm....Collapse )

= today. school as follows.

geo,, test. easy shit. started something new. photocopied the homework from the textbook in the library because i hate hate having books in my bag. lardasssssss.

art,, watercolors! they are fun. especiallyyyyyy with FLUORESCENT RAINBOW CRAYONS! so yes, i shall be hanging those on my wall if they end up looking decent enough. i want glow. give. mine. mine? yes. mine. =] oh yeah, and i somehow am recieving a 100% total in the course, as of now. how odd.

history,, we had a substitute. it was probably one of the only classes i will ever NOT want there to be a sub. because Mrs.Ackerman [note: worthy of caps.] is just that amazingly super. watched a dumb movie on the uncentered, uncontrasting smartboard. the imperfections have been bugging me. one of these days, i'm just gonna grab the remote and fix the whole thing. i want to. i just don't want a whole bunch of "what the fuck"s from the class/teacher. sit, ocd, sit.

lunch,, i told Shainna about the lesbian dream i had with her last night. nothing too much, but it made me happy that it was Shae. and she seemed interested in hearing about it too, so, that's cool. discussed pornography, naturally. will someone tell me this: WHY IS PISSING PORN PRODUCED? DOES ANYBODY GET OFF ON THAT NASTY SHIT? honesty is the bestt policy.

bio,, test. it was pretty easy, i don't know. coloring... nothing too interesting. i love it when people sing about me and tell me i'm sexy, even if they don't mean it. =] it secretly makes me happy.

not too much else today. i am starting to really want a job. i wanna just go to chamberlain and do bitchwork for all the teachers. i got the hook-ups, yo.

WeeZle. i Love You, i miss you, and i want you. like, wicked bad. fucking "vacation" is over. the pants are coming off!♥

↕ .b. ↕

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[03 Oct 2005|09:24pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

hmmm, are the skies clearing?

= yesterday. hung out in bed until like, 2pm. ugh, i hate doing that. makes me feel so dirty. and wasted [not the intoxicated type of wasted]. but, my stepmom called, and ::hallelujah!:: said that since it was such a nice day that i could go over WeeZle's for a little while. yessssssssss. it was The Skies rewarding me for not falling into my mother's betraying temptations!

too bad he was at Chase's and he had to have a whole lotta buttsex before Chase would let him come back home so he could see me. just kidding, take it as a metaphor if you will.

so i didn't end up getting to His house until a little after 7pm. yikes. i made Him and Chase supercool [pimpinnnn'] bracelets. WeeZle got a tonguering. i knew he didn't, but it made me question if he really did. then he stuck his tongue out. a RING on his tongueee. for meeee? yes! for Our Anniversary! and he got himself a matching one too. ::sadistic cackle:: my masterplan is finally falling into place! soon, he will be mine, FOREVER! harharharrrrr. what a torturous life we lead, ehh? ♥
apparently, before i got there, his dad told him that TwEEk is never to come down here [to Rochester] again. or, else? so, that sucks. for, like, a bunch of people. =[
had a lovely time, naturally. but in only a short while, i was picked up. hrmph.

in the car, i was just talking to my stepmom about whatever, and, i wasn't planning on telling her, but i did end up telling her about what my mom had proposed. guess what. everything is in my favor! =] cause, my parents aren't gonna say anything to my mother about it, because they don't want my mother to hold it against me, and my stepmom and father were immensely proud of me that i didn't take her up on the offer. anddddd by the way that i looked at it = "if i was a parent, i would never want my co-parent to betray me like that." because, i seriously wouldn't. so yep, i got me some kudos for that. much needed after last week, as a matter of fact.
not to mention, what a shitface my mother is. a whore, she is. she was the one who even first MENTIONED me having a punishment, and was all for WOOOO let's ruin Blythe and Matt's ANNIVERSARY! and then, what? she fucking pussies out and gives in to my nonexistent pleas. because, why? because she wants me to think that she's cool. fucking guess what? you ARE NOT going to win me over by being a horrible parent [whether i like it or not] and by being a horrible person in general, by encouragingmetobe/being so goddamned sneaky like that. you will NOT! i see right through you.

= today. school...

geo,, nothing fantastic. ha. never anything fantastic. urgh.

art,, caught up on my art history stuff. i like andy warhol's style. i also started the other side of my printmaking stamp. it's just a namething with stars and such. good stuff. just for fun. =] i also got a homework pass, but, unless i end up doing my cd cover tonight, then it'll be gone by the end of tomorrow. wicked cool. or no.

history,, i think it was an openbook quiz? and then just notes. when are we gonna start talking about uberjuicy shtuff? i've been waiting for the intense, controversial class discussions..

lunch,, kind of flew by, as usual [except faster today?]. learning things is fun. i want to go to the RaveIsDead thing, but i know that i would never be allowed to go. which sucks, but i can definitely understand it. but i don't wanna do drugs and whatnot, i just want to look at all the beautiful people with their prettyness all over them. and boobies. i wanna see some hardcore orgies. hahahaahaa. 'nuff said for now, bitches.

bio,, subbbbbbb! thank whatshisname. we had a few things that kept us busy though. i felt really good for some reason, just being comfortable chatting with Mario and Chris. it was very nice.
::us all watching a pair of dragonflies mating in the air::
me - do dragonflies have to hump? do dragonflies have penises? do dragonflies have vaginas? do dragonflies get erections?...
::they stopped fucking. they begin frantically flying around the room::
me - i think they're looking for a cigarette...

got home, i remembered that i forgot my keys in the house this morning. god damnit. so i just wait around, almost pissing my pants outside [i always go pee when i get home] until my stepmom gets home 20 minutes later.

at 4our, i drove us all to wal*mart. got more cranberry tablets, contact solution, and deodorant. and cough drops since my throat has been fucking me in the ass all day. i wanna buy panties there.
then to lilac mall. brianna got a bunch of stupid clothes. took forever, of course. at 6ix, we ate at papa gino's. that took another damn hour. drove home, anddddd here i am.

i think tomorrow i'm babysitting at the PTA meeting. woot woot!
i like having things to do. it makes me feel good.
i wicked can't wait for my license-getting.
i want/need a job. BLYTHE FOR HIRE! i'll wash your cats! seriously, if anyone can get me work, however big or small, i will be your little whore.

i Love You, WeeeeeeZle.

↕ .b. ↕

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[01 Oct 2005|11:10pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

so, overall, today was pretty good...

woke up, showered, and called WeeZle at Chase's. apparently, he couldn't come to Apple Harvest Fest with us today, but, that's alright. i'm not so sure it would have been all that much fun for him anyways. i got a bunch of free stuff there, likeeee an orange shirt, carabeaner, cd case, gunlock, notepad, stickers...and a bracelet for 25cents. yesh. free stuff is awesome.

i drove home, waited a little bit, and WeeZle came at a bit after 1ne o'clock. i had wrapped up his present as if it was a bouquet of flowers. he opened it and, yes, it was in fact, a meat tenderizer. harhar. it was pretty. then we just hung out until a little after 4pm, when Chase picked him up again. fucking 4our [it was actually kind of 3hree..] hours. my asssss. =[ i'm glad that i got to see him though. i miss him so fucking much.

so when he left, and my mother and jim went for a ride, i came out to the living room and played on the computer for a bit. when my mother and jim returned, i went back into my room [i don't like it when she's in the same room or vicinity as me. it makes me extremely uncomfortable.], i decided to make some more bracelets or such. had bracelet-er's block [as in 'writer's block'], so i decided to go over to Nana's to see if there were still any beads there from when i was a youngster. we couldn't find any, so she offered to go to wal*mart so we could go get some. she asked me if i wanted my Uncle Tim's old war jacketthing, and i actually kinda like it, and it's getting to be that goddamned time of year that i actually might need a jacket, so i took it off her hands. =] then we went to wal*mart. for the record, wal*mart is a ton less expensive [beadwise] than ben franklin's. i got a neon package, a glow-in-the-dark package, and a metallic [pearly] package. i also got a lovely organizerthing box. when we got home, me and Nana organized all the different colors into the box. i love organizing. it gives me a certain comfort and satistfaction. not to mention, it's a good waste of time [note: good]. then i walked back over to my mother's.

i've been watching america's next top model quite a bit lately [considering they play an entire season of it back-to-back], and it sort of makes me think. i think that i am [continuing in] growing up, physically [and emotionally]. i can actually see potential in myself. i think i am starting to find certain things that just work for me. and no, you don't have to remind me that i'm not as attractive in a ponytail, but i really don't care, because ponytails are just easier, so shut up. but, yeah, i'm just gonna shut my face up about my face for now. because i really don't know what i'm talking about.

oh yeah, i almost forgot. at the apple harvest festival, i was at the table where they sell the dover city jail shirts that i have, and i was saying that this years weren't nearly as good as the years before [the awesomeness wasn't on the back. it was just generic information crap.], and the guy that was working behind the table was like
"ohhh, you could get like, a youth one, and cut the middle on the neck ::holds imaginary boobs::. don't you people like to do that?"
i just fucking gave him a dirty look, said uhhhhhhh no? and walked away. that really pissed me off though. a] you're like, 45+ years of age. see ya later, pedophile. b] this counter is concerning a JAILLLLL. why don't you spend a few years or so there sometime? someone will definitely plug your hole up there. and no, i'm not just talking about your mouth. = SHUT UP AND TAKE IT LIKE A BITCH.
that is all.

earlier, my mother came into my room and asked me if i wanted to do anything tonight. no. well, what about tomorrow? are you going to see WeeZle tomorrow? no, i'm not allowed to. well maybe you can, if you don't tell on me... . sooo, i was a bit torn about that. like, OBVIOUSLY i want to be with WeeZle. of course. and i was a little gracious that she would give me a chance to. but, on the other side. that is directly disobeying my father's punishment, and to allow me to do something he told me specifically not to do, and ENCOURAGING me to sneak around, that just makes me want to spit on her. to turn on her co-parent like that, it's just absolutely dispicable. i would never want my husband [whether it be current or ex] to steer our children away from something that i directly pointed them towards. it's just wrong. so, out of respect for my legitimate parents [not including my mother], and just for fear of them finding out that i did that, i don't think i'll be seeing WeeZle on the morrow. also, i have all of this week to hang out with him, since he's not in driver's ed anymore, so i can just see him on monday or whatever. seeing him tomorrow just wouldn't be worth what would happen if i was caught for it. and i am now trying to decide if i SHOULD tell my stepmom about my mother telling me to disobey her. i wont though, most likely, because, i probably COULD use that someday, and if i blow my mother's cover this time, then maybe she wont give me another, better chance some other time.Collapse )

i Love You, WeeZle.

♥ .b.

.pee.ess. .xxxxxxxxes.xes.ruoy.tnaw.i.dna.

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